So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
