So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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