I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
