Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
