im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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