some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
