she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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