she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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