I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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