I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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