Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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