yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
