I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
