I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So much Jack, so little girl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
