I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
