I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
