Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
