he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
