as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
