Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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