i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
