My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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