woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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