she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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