I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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