Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
