I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
