Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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