I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
