apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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