gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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