i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
high people should be assigned attendants
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
