Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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