Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
