apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
