Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Green mimosas i think yes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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