Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
