Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
