hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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