all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
