you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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