I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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