you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
