"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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