I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
