I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
