i don't like sucking hair
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
