pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
