You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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