We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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